The Broken Realm Page 23

  “Jesse?”

  They both turned at the sound of Esmerelda’s voice. Her confusion at the scene unfolding, at what it might or might not mean, put a dagger through Ravenna’s own heart. Esmerelda might not yet know how she felt about the brother of her dear love, but Ravenna had seen it, and it could only end in heartache for them all. It didn’t lessen her guilt at what she was herself trying to do, but she told herself she was only sparing Esmerelda that eventual pain.

  Jesse swam away from her and up to the bank, where he looked up at Esmerelda. “Only rinsing off before I go into town. I need to have words with Easlan. Just he and I, without the others. About what I told you the other night.”

  “I see,” Esmerelda said, but she was looking at Ravenna, not Jesse. “You won’t have eaten yet, then. I can warm some bread for you.”

  Jesse smiled. “Donnae fuss yourself, Esme. I can find something at the pub.”

  “And she? She rinsing off, too?”

  “That? Well. Eh—”

  “Esmerelda, come join us!” Ravenna called, hanging to the grassy edge of the opposite bank. As the words flew from her mouth, she knew they’d come from her conscience, not that other thing inside her that had guided her to this moment.

  “It looks cold,” Esmerelda said, but now she was looking at Jesse, awaiting his word on the matter. “This is not proper water for bathing, not with the skies as they are. I could’ve warmed some water for the basin, you know.”

  “I was just getting out,” he said.

  Esmerelda seemed torn between some better sense and a potent desire to not be left out of whatever was happening. She bound her arms tight around her. “What about my clothes?”

  “You donnae have to come in here, Esme. It’s freezing, and—”

  “Not too cold for the two of you, aye?”

  He started in on an objection, but something changed his mind, for instead he said, “It’s not so cold, really. If you did want to come in, you’d be all right.” Jesse turned back toward Ravenna. The look he wore was stronger than a hundred daggers. “We’ll turn our backs while you change.”

  “All right,” Esmerelda said. “Turn around, then.”

  “I thought you were getting out?” Ravenna whispered as she swam up beside him.

  “You’re the one who invited her in. She shouldn’t be in here alone, or at all. These currents can be fierce, and she’ll catch a chill.”

  “She wouldn’t be alone. I’m here.”

  They both turned at the splash. Esmerelda hovered near the bank, one hand wrapped in the tall grass, the other around her chest. Her jaw trembled as she shivered.

  “You... l-lied,” she accused through chattering teeth.

  Jesse laughed. “That’s what my father used to do when Ryan and I had too much hesitation in us. He’d say, ‘oh, ’tis nay so bad,’ and we’d believe him, every time.”

  Esmerelda twisted her shaking mouth into a grin as she clutched the riverbank. “Ryan has done that to me a few times.”

  “Come on,” Jesse beckoned. “Let go. I willnae let you get whisked off down the current.”

  “I never learned to swim properly.”

  “I’ve got you, Esme.”

  Ravenna cut off the sigh forming at the back of her throat. A swell of anger caught at the back of the clipped sound, but it was not Esmerelda she was angry at, but herself. For contriving this. For failing at it.

  Esmerelda half jumped into the current. A small, nervous giggle erupted as she found her footing. Jesse’s smile as he watched her, a mix of protectiveness and of a joy belonging to the two of them in their shared moment, reminded her of Drystan. A sharp pain jabbed at her, but it was not the agony of missing him, but of missing herself. Who she’d been, which was not who she was now. She missed who she was, but she missed more who she was supposed to be when she set off to find herself. It was not this... not this woman of hollow motive and shallow needs; not one reduced to the games girls played, not women.

  “Almost there. Just step carefully. Some of the rocks are sharp,” Jesse said. Ravenna let herself into his head, ignoring the voice reminding her it was an invasion, that she wasn’t supposed to be there. But there was nothing. Jesse’s worries about the Westerlands, about the baby, about Esmerelda, they were nowhere to be found. He existed entirely in the moment, in the seconds ticking through his encouragement of Esmerelda’s newfound courage.

  Esmerelda’s smile lit up the cloudy morning. “My father would have murdered me for doing this.”

  Jesse gestured around, grinning back. “Do ye see him? These are fresh waters, lass. No salt and sand here.”

  “You’re enough salt and sand for us all,” she teased, and they laughed, together.

  Ravenna’s stomach burned.

  “You couldn’t do this in the rivers in the Northerlands. You’d be frozen dead before you made it across to the other bank,” she said, not seeing her place in this moment, but desperate not to be forgotten, either.

  “That’s horrible,” Esmerelda said with a scandalized look. “Does that really happen?”

  “Esme, careful there, you’re stepping close to the drop-off,” Jesse said. He moved toward her. “It’s can be a bit—”

  Esmerelda’s scream was cut off as she disappeared under the water. Jesse didn’t hesitate. He dove under and was gone, and Ravenna hardly had time to make sense of what had happened. She searched for them both, eyes scanning the small white crests of the current, but they were, both of them, gone.

  “Jesse!” she cried out. She dipped below the water, but the tangle of river flora obscured her view. She could see nothing but waving vines and murky gray. Gasping, she returned to the surface. She was still alone.

  Then Jesse’s head breached the water’s surface, and Esmerelda’s with it. Esmerelda’s arms wound so tightly around Jesse’s neck that she seemed to almost disappear into him, as if they were not two but one. His left arm folded over her back, clutching her against him as he used the other to maneuver himself through the water toward the bank. He used the branch of a nearby tree to hoist them both up to the bank, and Ravenna’s breath caught to see how Esmerelda’s body twined around Jesse’s, all flesh and fear and the rush created by the marriage of both things.

  He eased her down on the grass, but he’d seemingly forgotten her claims of modesty of earlier as he pushed her matted hair off her face, peeling the skin back by her eyes to check the color, running his thumbs over her flushed cheeks.

  “I’m fine,” Esmerelda insisted, but anyone with ears could hear the lie in it, and as Jesse wrapped her in his shirt, Ravenna couldn’t keep her eyes from his hands that wouldn’t stop moving, wouldn’t stop fussing over her, searching for any signs she’d come to harm.

  Esmerelda stayed his hands. “Jesse. I’m okay, I’m just... I’m a little tired now. I’m going to go in and lie down, but come tell me later, about Easlan. Yes?”

  She didn’t wait for his answer. She ran off toward the keep, Jesse watching her until she disappeared beyond view.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Ravenna said, breathing the words near his ear.

  Jesse jumped. “I didn’t even see you get out.” He shook his head. “I should go make sure she’s all right. She’s full of pride, just like Ryan. She wouldnae tell me if—” He turned and the sight of her stilled his words. She hadn’t redressed, and he seemed to realize that just as he remembered that, in the excitement, nor had he.

  Ravenna snaked her arms around his neck once more, and this time when she kissed him, she felt his desire fight harder than his resistance. His cock throbbed against her belly, and she pushed herself tighter against him, knowing the press of her flesh would grow his pleasure beyond what he could deny himself. Jesse’s hands cupped her ass and he lifted her in a quick, sharp tug, and in response she wrapped her legs around his waist, tightening against him once more. He stumbled in the grass until they backed into the tree, the force causing them both to audibly gasp. Ravenna reached one hand down to pull him
inside before he could remember all the other things more deserving of his attention, and though she, too, had imagined this, the swell of his hardness, of him, was almost more than she could bear.

  Jesse reached for a branch above his head for purchase as he drove into her, holding her aloft with the force of his thrusts. He groaned his desire against her neck, sounds that were not words, but she read them anyway. I want you. I hate you. I need you. Leave me. Please stop. Never stop. The bark sliced at her back, but she squeezed his muscled ass in her palms, forcing the flesh to bulge through her fingers, encouraging every thrust to be harder, every stroke of his cock to last longer, to prolong her own path to what she now knew she wanted more than she’d ever imagined, for reasons beyond what she’s originally designed.

  He bit down on her shoulder as the pleasure rocked through him, and then she, too, felt it, the warmth of his seed coursing through her. His tight muscles spasmed, shuddering as his desire slowly drained into her, and he again, less slowly, returned to the world.

  Jesse lowered her to the tall grass and stumbled away, grasping for his clothes, as he had after the fantasy version of what had now become reality. Every misstep, every failed tug of cloth against his skin was a palpable sign of his regret, which had come on so fast she’d had no time to fight back and win him to her side once more.

  “Come to my bed tonight when you’re home from the Mule,” she whispered, kneeling beside him as he fumbled with his sword belt. She’d done now what she needed to do, but now it was her own desire talking. “Properly, this time.”

  * * *

  “Come to the back. Let’s give Lord Blackwood and his seer some privacy,” Easlan said, steering Jesse through the double doors leading to the kitchen. On the way in, they passed Brook, fast asleep on his cot. Jesse felt a small stab of guilt at the sight of the small boy. With all he’d had on his mind, he’d forgotten about him. At least Easlan hadn’t.

  “I’ll pour us both some mugs,” Easlan said. “Head to the very end of the hall. Kaslan is at the table already.”

  Jesse nodded and squeezed through the narrow hall to the room reserved for Kaslan and his son alone. It was too small for business, windowless with stale air and a meager table that seated exactly three and no more.

  “That look. I am quite familiar with that look!” Kaslan said, wagging his finger as he looked up, bleary-eyed, from his mug of tea. “That’s the look of girl troubles, and I would know. Question is, which one?”

  “Have ye girls in Greystone?”

  “Hush. And tell me!”

  “That isnae the source of my troubles,” Jesse grumbled.

  “It isnae all, but it’s part, that much I can see. Quick now, tell me before Father comes and ruins the fun.”

  “I donnae want to talk about it, Kaslan.”

  “Ravenna,” Kaslan guessed. He tapped the table, grinning through his sleepiness. “I knew it. Can’t say I fault you, I would’ve made a move myself if I thought I had even half a chance. Oh, and also, you’re my mate and all that.”

  Jesse looked around for anything that could serve as the recipient of the bile forming in his throat. He couldn’t believe he’d done it. It was as surreal as one of his dreams, but it had been no dream. He’d taken her all right, against that tree, by the riverbank, and there was no waking from this one to wash away his guilt. He’d done it despite knowing he would feel exactly as he did now. “It willnae happen again, and will ye stop looking at me like that. I’m not pleased with myself. I’ve forgotten who I am.”

  “You’ve remembered you’re a man. Or did you not ever realize that until now?” Kaslan teased. “You’ve always been so serious, Jesse. Even as a wee boy. There’s no harm in some fun.”

  “Your Reach is on the verge of war. I see no place for fun.”

  “What are we fighting for, if not for that? Look here, Jesse. You like her. She likes you. Not everything has to be so complicated.”

  Jesse fought another wave of nausea. “But it is complicated, Kaslan. I have my brother’s wife in my hands, and now there’s a child. Esme... she really doesnae like Ravenna. I donnae know why, but it upsets her, and if she gets upset, she might get sick, and if she gets sick, then...” Jesse buried his face in his hands. “I cannae deal with the attentions of a sorceress in addition to all else on my shoulders. There’s no gain in forgetting who I am.”

  Kaslan pulled Jesse’s hands away from his face. “But was it as good as you imagined it would be?”

  Jesse felt the flush deep under his skin. “Ahh, how I wish I’d hated it.”

  “The joy you get from denying yourself is something to behold,” Kaslan said, shaking his head. “Truly. You’re a man, doing what a man does, and you still find ways to punish yourself.”

  “I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “Good! For I don’t.” He leaned in. “Now, listen. There’s whispers of ravens from The Deceiver, come from Duncarrow. With some strange messaging. Some are saying they may leave room for us to strike.”

  “From Lord Quinlanden? What do they say?”

  “Don’t know. Yet. We’ll talk more later. Father’s coming.”

  Easlan entered with the steaming mugs. “Jamesan, I assume I’d be right to say you did not come simply for the pleasure of my company, such as it is.”

  “No, sir. I didnae sleep well at all.”

  “I’ll say,” Kaslan mumbled, grinning.

  Jesse ignored him. “I’ve things on my mind, things I’d like to say before the other men arrive.”

  “Then say them,” Easlan said with a curt nod.

  “You’ve been a friend to my father for many years. I trust in your wisdom,” Jesse started. “As I know Lady Blackwood does.”

  “You didn’t come here to puff up my pride, either.”

  “But no man can be without error, least from time to time, and I wouldnae be the friend you’ve been to me if I didnae say I think your call to war is one.”

  Easlan pushed his mug aside untouched. “Is that all?”

  “I had hoped we might discuss it.”

  “Discuss it? What business of it is yours what the Westerlands does to protect its own, Jamesan Strong? What does the opinion of a Southerlander matter to us?”

  “Father, I’m sure that isn’t—” Kaslan started, but Easlan held his hand out.

  Jesse recoiled at Easlan’s quickness to anger. “It isnae none of mine, except that I owe you for the aid, and I no more want to see the kingdom at war than you.”

  “You’re hardly a bairn yourself,” Easlan replied, disgust burning in his eyes. He’d changed, and Jesse saw it more now than he had, even the night before. “What would you know about it? About war? About the business of men?”

  “I can count,” Jesse retorted, feeling the rise of his own rare anger. “I can see ye haven’t the numbers, or the strength, to go against what awaits you. I can see what others tried to say last night. Even Lord Blackwood himself.”

  “And what does the son of a sea trader advise?” Easlan practically spat the words between his clenched teeth.

  “I didnae come to advise, Steward James, only to caution. For I’ve never taken wisdom from any unless I considered them a friend, and I thought that’s what we were.”

  Easlan shoved his chair back and stood. “You owe me nothing. If Lord Blackwood values your counsel, then offer it to him.”

  His heavy steps pounded as he rushed from the room. When they’d faded to echoes, Jesse turned to Kaslan. “I said what I needed to, and I’ll not say another word. He’s right. This isnae my fight.”

  “You weren’t wrong,” Kaslan said in a hushed tone, one eye on the hall in fear of his father’s furious return. “But he’ll never see it, Jesse. You don’t understand. All his life, and his father’s, the James name has been akin with the lost and forgotten. He’s had the respect of none except Lady Blackwood, until now, where it’s Easlan James, and not one of the greater men of the realm, called upon to save us all. He’s not in his right mind,
and there’s nothing you, nor I, can do to change that. If you’d warned me about what you intended to say, I could’ve spared you yet another agony of the day.”

  * * *

  Jesse was removing the tethers from the hitching post, lost in his own head, when Esmerelda caught him by surprise. He’d heard the hooves on the road, but assumed them to belong to one of the men.

  She wore the same oversized cloak from her earlier trips into town as her hooded form looked down upon him, but he’d know the shape of her anywhere now. It was as familiar to him as his own.

  “You shouldn’t be here.” He looked behind him. “There are too many men here now. We have to be more careful than we were before.”

  “I had to say something to you, and I wanted the chance to say it alone. Just you and me,” Esmerelda said. The hood hung low over her eyes, but her dark lips pulled together in a light sigh. “Let’s ride, but slowly.”

  Jesse mounted his horse and clicked his tongue to turn her and join Esmerelda.

  “I have asked a lot of you, Jesse,” she said at his side. She kept her face looking ahead.

  “You’ve asked nothing I was forced to give,” he assured her. She’d said this before, and he didn’t like the implication. He worried he’d given her the cause to keep saying it. “And what I’ve given has been no burden.”

  “And still, your life has been halted, for me. You should’ve been home in the Southerlands by now, returned to your work, and whatever else awaited you. I’ve never asked, I suppose. Is there someone? Someone special awaiting you?”

  “No,” Jesse said. “Nor does anything await me with greater weight than seeing my brother’s bairn born healthy and whole.”

  Esmerelda made a soft sound from under her hood. “You see, you are a good man, for believing that. That it is you who must see this done. But I am his mother, and I have asked enough of you already. No.” Esmerelda held her hand out without looking. “Please don’t tell me again how it’s fine. I have more to say, before I lose the courage.”